Beth and I are in the same book club. The reader on this audio book is knocking it out of the park. Each girl has her own voice and it is wonderful! I checked this out from my public library. Shout out to the Buffalo and Erie County Public Libraries!
I read your column and you seem to have some idea of how to deal with love and reincarnation. I have a love and reincarnation problem. Um, the world might end because of my one true love and me. I know, sorry everyone. I really love him, he’s great. Our friends are great. But, in order to save the world I have to be careful and keep a low profile. This has meant that I’ve had to stay away from my family and I really miss them. Do you have any advice for how to keep in touch with your family without blowing your cover?
Love Gives You Wings
Pre-paid cell phone? Hotmail account you and your parents both have a password to that you save messages to the drafts folder in? I don’t know, I’m a blogger not a spy, Jim. I am happy that you are trying to reach out and keep in touch with your family, though. And, I’m happy that you really love your guy and that he is great. I do worry for you, though. Separating someone from their support structure, the people who know and love them is also a tactic used by abusers. Please do find a way to reach out to your family and keep in touch with them. Please be careful with yourself while you’re saving the world.
I recently spent some time in prison. It’s complicated. As I’m sure you’re aware, the government is corrupt and has been targeting minority populations for oppression, marginalization and extermination. Before I was, uhm, released from prison, my keeper and I had a chance to get to know each other and come to trust each other. I see him as a strong ally in my fight against a corrupt government. I also maybe see him as a bit more. (I think he feels the same way, too.) However, I’m afraid to admit to my feelings because I think my friends will see our relationship as nothing more than Stockholm Syndrome. I just don’t know how to approach this topic with them.
Dear Prison Tat,
Life is complicated, isn’t it? I think it’s great that you were able to find an ally (and maybe more!) in such a horrifying situation. I also think it is wonderful that you have kept strong ties with your friends. I think you have to ask yourself some hard questions but it sounds like your head is in the right place and I feel like you’ll come to the right decision for you. First, are you afraid that your friends will think you have Stockholm Syndrome because part of you also might feel that way? Really examine your feelings and their origins. If you think you might be coming to identify with your captors then I think you may want to consider a cooling off period without you ally with benefits. If you aren’t, and your feelings, like the world around you, are complicated but coming from a good place, then you should consider being honest with your friends and frankly discussing your feelings. Discussing your feelings with people who care for you will let them know you still trust and value their opinion. It may also help you gain new perspective on your situation. Most of all, it will help to reinforce your support system and if you’re about to take on a corrupt government, you’re going to need that. Finally, we here at Stacks Exceed Life Expectancy have always found that the traditional view on Valentine’s Day, where you focus on romantic love, is misguided. Saint Valentine was martyred for marrying people who was told not to marry. He stood up for what he believed in and fought the power. Today is a day for bold and revolutionary acts. So, today, we here at Stacks Exceed Life Expectancy stand up with you against your corrupt government and say:
Vive la Révolution!
I am married. I thought I would be happy to be married to my husband. He is exactly the type of man I should be married to as we come from the same background and status but he isn’t my true love. That belongs to my father’s ward. He would be unsuitable to marry, I know but we are kindred spirits. We used to run all over the moors together. I think what makes me the most unhappy is that my love has ran off with my husband’s sister and married her. I think I was much happier when he was mine and mine alone. Am I wrong to be so down? I just might die if I can’t have him.
First of all, I feel like you got married for the wrong reasons. While it might be important to please your family, this is your life and not theirs so if you are not happy with your husband then maybe it’s time for a divorce. Chances are, if you are not happy neither is he. As for your other issue, I’m not sure you really love him but want to possess him. That’s not exactly healthy. If he has gotten married, you should respect his decision but again I do worry about his reasons for marriage too but that’s for another letter. Also I’m a little worried about you saying you will die without him. No man is worth dying for. Life is full disappointments and you must learn to live with them. Nor can you expect someone to stay single just because you want them too. You moved on, you have to allow that they will move on, too.
I really like this guy but we sort of met under unusual situation. He’s funny, and charming and also an addict. He traded in doing drugs and alcohol for another vice, so to speak, but he still partakes in self destructive behavior. I couldn’t take it. I could not stay and watch him destroy himself. So, I left. I moved to California with my Mom. I have my own problems to deal with like my brother’s death and my parent marital problems (they’re divorcing). I don’t need to his on top of that. I thought I was getting over him when one day he showed up at my job. Now all the feelings I had for him are back but I’m not sure I can trust him. He says he is no longer doing what he was doing but I just don’t know. I’m not sure I can let him back into my life.
I think it’s brave that you saw that you were in a bad situation and you took yourself out of it. It’s not easy, especially when it involves someone that you care about. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now and by taking him out of the equation you are on the right path. I think this is one of those cases where the only person that can truly help them is them. It’s obviously difficult now that he is back in your life. You want to believe he is better and maybe he is but more importantly, how are you? Who is supporting you? Who is helping you cope with your brother’s death and your parents’ separation? I think you need to deal with you first before him. If he cares for you, then he will wait for to get yourself back together.